sometimes stuff goes wrong…

Jaja & heading to Bomet, Kenya.

Many pastors and mentors have told me many times that following Christ’s footsteps would have a price.  I have read, listened and even counseled, “The way of the cross is hard. Expect trials.  Endure.  Maintain an attitude of expectant faith.”  But even when I know this, I still can get shocked sometimes by the trials that indeed come.

Well the past 4 weeks have been a veritable summer camp of crisis in my life!   I even need a table to show the full breadth of “activities”:

crapstorm god’s grace
   
I finally got malaria  
Uganda is a hot place; so I always feel like I have a fever. But in mid-June I could tell something more was going on.  After insistence from my staff, I visited the clinic and was tested for malaria. Sure enough, I was finally a real Ugandan.  Malaria is a norm here and even with all our protective steps, sometimes you just get malaria. I am convinced that this was the easiest form of malaria ever.  I was basically exhausted with a high fever and head ache, but no other symptoms.  Truly the medicine I was given made me twice as sick as the malaria. After hearing many horror stories, I was so blessed to have such a mild case.  I was blessed to be able to afford the clinic and pay for the needed tests and meds. I was blessed to work somewhere that could afford to have me work from home for a few days. In the end I was only really “down” for two days and was able to remain in the swing of things here. (Which included a team arriving that week!)
My computer completely crashed
While I was home sick, my computer also got a virus.  Everything slowed to a standstill and most everything would not quite work.  I took it to a guy for repair and he tried to fix it, but ultimately said that the virus could not be removed and I just needed to reformat the hard drive and start over. Not only is my computer my most important work tool, but it is also my lifeline to home. Fortunately I had started backing up everything on my computer a week earlier.  Call is a premonition–but somehow I had a feeling that getting stuff backed up was important.  This made the reformat as fast as it could be and saved me from any needless worry about losing files or data.  In about 48 hours and for about $20, all was fixed and I was back in business! In the end I probably only lost about 1 days worth of email.
My bank card went boo…
As I was trying to pay for my Dr visit, computer, etc., I tried to get cash out of the local ATM a few times and was rejected. Bank machines are notorious here for not working–so it didn’t seem like a big deal.  BUT after a week of not being able to access funds, I decided I should call the bank.  After 4 hours and 3 disconnected calls, I learned that they had put a hold on my card for being in Uganda.  (Yes, I told them of my time gone before I left, but western banks hate Africa and frequently find reasons for warnings, holds, etc.) AND they also turned off my web access. So I couldn’t see what was happening with my account, nor transfer funds as I had planned. In the end, I had about $200 in fines from the bank! I wasn’t able to get money for a week but I had other resources available that kept me afloat.  After the final phone call, everything was promptly fixed and I was given access to my web account again. During that week my aunt and some friends had given my mom a $200 gift to put in my bank account.  I hadn’t mentioned my troubles, but God had moved them to give.  This ended up covering that $200 and saving me from having to rebalance my month’s expenses!
Clutch catastrophie
My car is a daily blessing and I am so thankful to have my own means of transport.  AOET had some van troubles and I have been available as a “Back up” driver when needed.  Well, the responsibility grew when both our extra van and driver were down AND we had teams in town.  So I spent a lot of the last month driving team members or staff to all kinds of different locations.  I am not the most confident 4-wheel driver, so often my nerves were really tested to see if we could make it through the muddy disasters that are sometimes called roads.  One “puddle” was literally the width of my car, about 2 feet deep and right before an incline.   Scary stuff.Then about 2 weeks ago,  I started to notice that shifting my gears was getting hard–and it got worse. And worse. And then I could only shift when the car was turned off.  So I drove home and parked her. Somehow the holy spirit keeps guiding my way, and I haven’t been horribly stuck yet!  Even though it has been raining A TON.My mechanic, Tony, is also great.  He came to my house to take a look and quickly told me the “little problem” and said he could fix it in 2 days.  Sure enough in 2 days, it was fixed and only cost me about $25.  It drove great for 2 days and then its stopped shifting–while I was driving the team back to Bugembe! I casaully pulled off the road, turned off the car and then restarted in 2nd gear. No one in the car even noticed what happened!  Tony quickly got it fixed again and didn’t charge me anything.  To have a decent mechanic is a gift here, but one that is quick and has integrity is unheard of!  I am so blessed to have my own transport, to have a great car and a great mechanic. But even more, God has been so faithful to answer every little prayer that I have uttered about getting from point A to point Z.

Even my water and power started going out–which hadn’t happened much in months–and I was reminded of what it was like to sit in real darkness!  Normally one of the above would send me into pity party mode, but seeing what Ugandans deal with daily, I mostly felt blessed at all of the resources and support that I had available to me.  In fact, I got to the point where I was laughing at the things “going wrong” and just wondering what could possibly be next!

And then the answer came–I started to see flashes of light and small floaters in my left eye. Most of you know that a few years back I had quite a trial with a detached retina in my right eye that had me laid literally flat on my face for quite a while.  And here were the symptoms and I was in Africa.  I was finally at my breaking point.

Yet, even here, God’s grace was deep.  Jaja had a problem with her eyes the previous month and Nancy had found the closest specialist in Kenya.  He had operated on her at a missionary hospital and I had even spoken to him on the phone about Jaja’s case.  After 2 or 3 days of denying my problem, the floaters continued and I knew I had to do something. I got the Dr’s phone number and gave him a call.  He answered right away and explained that he was actually a retina specialist and would be happy to take a look–and he could operate on my eye if need be.  (There are only about 3 people for hundreds of miles that could say that.)  And Jaja happened to have an appointment for a check up the following week.   So I asked Jaja if I could go with her and that Sunday we began a very long journey to the middle-of-nowhere Kenya.  (That is a blog post by itself!!)

On Monday, we got up early and were the first in line at the eye clinic.  Before 9am, my eyes had been dialated and I was with the Dr. He took a look and said that the retina was not detaching!  It was doing something weird and he was glad that I came, but he believed that it would take care of itself and gave me some self-exams to do at home that would help me know if it was becoming a detachment or not.  I was basically fine.  Because it was a missionary hospital, I think we paid about $10 to see one of the best specialists throughout Africa.  Pretty awesome.

On the long way home, I thanked God for once again caring for me.  And Jaja bought me a bag of popcorn to celebrate my 39th birthday.  (Yes, amidst all of this, I was in the process of hitting the big 3-9.)  I arrived home safely, so happy to be back in Jinja.  I turned on my computer and had hundreds of messages from friends and family for my day. Donna even posted a video of the ladies in Nuevo Renacer wishing me a happy birthday. It was lovely.  Then I fell fast asleep.

Amidst all of these challenges, friends and family were continually praying and supporting me.  I know that I survived the last few weeks in-tact because of their prayers and God’s goodness.  Trials do come, but I really believe that God is bigger than anything that comes our way.

Psalm 37: 3-7

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

And while I am hoping for a bit of a reprieve for at least a few weeks, we will just see were God leads and guides. And trust that wherever it is, he will be there with me.

sometimes there aren’t words…

And I mean that literally.  So this will be an interesting blog post.

Every week I tell myself, “It’s time to get something up on that blog.”  Then I think about what to say and a zillion thoughts rush through my mind.  Do I write about my visit to NSSF–Uganda’s social security office?  Do I write about two teenage boys coming by my house to make a music video on my computer?  Or do I write about how much time it takes me to pull together some ingredients that I recognize into a meal?

Then my mind starts to move past the day-to-day to the reality I see here–the joys and the sorrows.  I want to rant about injustice.  I want to talk about the price of poverty–how when we stand by and chose to let poverty exist in any form, we are preventing God’s kingdom from coming.  I can get pretty worked up.

Then I want to talk about Jesus.  Because ultimately, I always want to talk about Jesus.

And by the time I get through all of these thoughts, it’s dark and I’m tired and I just fall into bed instead with a sigh.

So let’s just say, there is a lot swirling around in this head of mine. And today is not unique, I don’t know which to chose.  I don’t know where to start and I certainly don’t know where to end.

That’s when I rely on photos to speak.  Here is one of my very favorite kids in the world. Odongo Dickens.  He is in our Lira program in Northern Uganda and his  story is tragic. He is the most serious little man.  So of course, I set out to make him giggle and feel loved every time I see him.  I literally hug him to submission. He is worthy opponent and fights with all his heart against smiling for any photos, but I am far sillier than he can withstand over time.  Here we capture the full battle.

See that smile?  A pretty amazing victory, worth every second.

And maybe that is what all of the thoughts and words and ideas are pointing to?  This is so much more than spreadsheets and budgets and theories of development.  Odongo Dickens is beautifully and wonderfully made.  He doesn’t have parents, or even an auntie to care for him.  His older brother is doing the best he can, but he is just a boy himself—maybe 15 or 16.  Odongo Dickens needs a community around him to show him that God’s love is real.  He needs help with his education, healthcare, food.  He needs to be adored and sometimes he needs someone to relentlessly work at making him smile. Some days that is my job and I’m so thankful for it.

first latte in a while…

From this to bliss:

more treats

Two more collections of treats made it from home! My parents went nuts and crammed all of this wonderful stuff in one envelope!

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Kelly brought me a gorgeous bag of Stumptown. Hallelujah!

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And Ginger sent me a 6-pack of amazing micro-fiber wash clothes which bring me deep joy every day.  I am being totally serious!  They are happy and practical.  Wash clothes seem impossible to find here.  I gave 3 to Jonathan and Andrea because it felt wrong to horde them.

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I also bought a cute potholder!  (Thank you Jesus for amazon! I just ordered it online, had it sent to our office and Kelly put in her luggage!)  Ladies here have super human hands and honestly rarely use them–so the only potholders are made for tourists and I don’t think work so well.  So, my (scarred and burnt in a few places now) fingers are so happy!

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a little bit of leave

After a few months in Uganda, it was time for a short leave. So, I met up with a River West service team in Rwanda. It was a wonderful time to reconnect with River West friends and beautiful to see the amazing work that God continues to do through Africa New Life throughout Rwanda.  I seriously had trouble containing myself at my excitement over the new seminary that will start instructing African pastors in the fall.  It is open to Pastors all over Africa and I am so expectant to see many lives impacted by this new amazing ministry. We were honored to provide hundreds of meals to kids in mutiple ANL programs.   And of course, there were adorable kids every where!

Once Sunday came around it was hard to say goodbye to my friends but fortunately Angie was coming back to Uganda with me–so the post-peep depression was lessened. We flew into Entebbe and met up with folks from Africa Renewal Ministries.  It was great to see what another Ugandan organization was doing and I left feeling encourage and excited. Truly an amazing staff building a new kind of Christian leader to serve all of Uganda!

Of course, Angie is a child hugging magnet–so a lot of our time was spent with kiddos in Angie’s arms.  She even got me to hold babies at ARM’s baby home!  Her joy is simply infectious!  Of course, I was a kitten magnet and regretfully did not bring this little furball of sweetness home.

The Rwanda team also had offered to bring me a few items from the states.  I sent them a list of things that would be useful–expecting to receive a few but was totally blown away when they showed up with everything on my list!  The team and some friends from home had all contributed and sent so many wonderful items from home: fluffy towels, sheets that would fit my bed, sharp knives, spoons, office supplies, beautiful dishtowels and even artwork.  They brought me tortilla shells, Stumptown coffee and skittles–all of my favorite things! Honestly, I don’t even know that I thanked them very well because I was in shock at the sheer abundance of goodness.  Yet another reminder of how God cares for us–with abandon and sugary sweetness!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a little bit of wandering…

In the last 24 hours, 15 were spent on a bus ride from Jinja to Kigali, Rwanda.  River West has a team here with Africa New Life and I asked if I could join the fun.

The team spent last night at a game park and hasn’t returned yet.  So, I was left to my own devices.  First, I showered. Second, I ate.  Third, I napped.

Having covered all my vital bases, I decided to head out on a walk for the afternoon.  One of my favorite things to do is just walk around places and see what their neighborhood is like.  What are homes like?  Who lives in the homes?  How does life flow?  It’s amazing how much you learn from using your feet!

And being mildly obsessed with food, I really love checking out small local grocery stores.  Particularly in Africa, I like to see what each country embraced from other cultures.  For instance, there is a TON of Indian food in Jinja–who would have guessed?  Individually packaged waffles seem available everywhere here.  There are also lots of Pringles everywhere I have been.  Which is really odd.  (Which is not to say that PMS did not have me purchase a can recently…)

First, let’s have a moment of silence for the refrigerated and properly colored red meat.  (Sorry vegetarians but I literally felt my soul lightened by this beautiful display.)  Sugar is sold in little old school brown bags which are pretty adorable.  Otherwise, most stores had a pretty normal collection of juices, spices, flour, etc.

But ever the experienced shopper, I found some great goodies.  I immediately fell in love with the tiny bowl of donuts I found at one shop.  Seriously?  A bowl of adorable donuts? Who can resist that? I also purchased drinking chocolate which is available everywhere. And yes, I did dip the donut in the chocolate and it was heavenly. I also got Happy Hippo coconut biscuits because I love anything coconut but more for the name. I think everyone needs some happy hippos in their life.  And finally, I took a risk on home made potato chips.  SCORE OF THE CENTURY!  They were perfectly crisp, salty and delicious.  Truly, I am in love.  (And actually considered returning to his shop and buying his entire stock, but that seemed a bit crazy.)

You will also note a nice sized jar of dijon mustard in the photo.  In Uganda, food availability is always inconsistent and ever changing, so I am learning to hoard things immediately–rather than wait to return, when I am tragically disappointed that all the stock is gone.  I <heart> mustard and have not seen dijon in Jinja.  I may or may have not held this to my chest and hugged it when I spotted at this store.  This will return home with me and make me very happy in a few weeks.

I was also pleasantly surprised to find those adorable recycled burlap bags!  For about $2.50 I got two–one for me and one for a dear friend that sent the perfect email exactly when I needed it this week.  Recycled, practical and so cute!

So I think I covered all of the bases of vacation consumption today and all for under $10.  A pretty great start to my mini-break.

 

 

make a missionary smile today

I know I should say that loving Jesus and helping orphans and widows is the center of my joy at all times, but today I am pretty darned pleased with the purchase of a car!

Although I am a tried and true Toyota girl, my budget was tiny and this was a good car for the price and available right away.  So I am giving a small piece of my heart to Mitsubishi.  It’s a 1996 Pajero (I like to pronounce it in spanish with an “h” sound because that harsh “j” sound makes my ears hurt…) Standard.  Diesel.  All that you really want in Uganda.  No air conditioning but I still have a little of the funds raised left–so I may see how much that would cost…

It has definitely been well used over the years, but also well maintained with maintenance records for the last 8 years at least–which is a dream in Uganda.    My dear friend Moses and his mechanic buddy, Tony,  did a full examination of the engine and crawled under the car!  They gave it the thumbs up.

On top of all of that, it came with a Bryan Adams CD.  Yes, CD.  Which is awesome.  And even more awesome when driving pot-holed roads in Jinja.

As with all so many things, this marks a new stage of independence for me–which I am celebrating today.  Although recently another missionary from Portland was telling me how having a car can cut down the opportunities for relationship with locals. Of course, working daily with Ugandans means I know plenty of locals–and Jinja is a very small town–but I have thought a lot about his comment.  As missionaries we are guests in this culture and I would hope we are all here because God has given us some heart for Uganda and her people.  That being said, we have a very different standard of living and there is something to be said for allowing ourselves space to just “be mzungus.”  (Thus my very nice little home on the edge of Lake Victoria with only other Mzungus in sight…) Yet, I took his words as a challenge to never allow myself to get to far removed from the real reason I am here–to really walk alongside my friends in Uganda. I certainly can’t do that if I drive right past them! Anyway, it was a well placed word in my life and I am thankful for it.

Of course, I was also very thankful to pick up a case of water and just drive home with it from the store.  So let’s just say I am full of thankful today!

 

breaking down

I’ve been sitting here staring at this white screen, wanting to write something different. All day I have been praying and thinking and wondering:

God, how can I write about how good you are?  How do I show you working in my ministry? In my work? In my heart?

How do I inspire people to know you? To trust you? To listen for your voice in their life?

That’s what I want to write about, but instead I keep ending up in Psalm 25:

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
    bring me out of my distresses.
18 Consider my affliction and my trouble,
    and forgive all my sins.

The reality is that is where I am at.  I find my heart being pushed beyond it’s capacity daily.  One of the greatest challenges of working alongside Ugandans is that I see what their lives are really like.  I find that there are sick family members, broken promises, families being victimized, inadequate access to food, healthcare and  never enough shillings to resolve the real issues–that they live in an unjust culture in an unjust world.  And this weighs on my heart.

Yes, we are hoping to break the cycle of poverty through access to education, resources and lots of love, but as I move beyond my relationships with children in our program, to a deeper understanding of what our staff and families wrestle with, I feel like I actually see the real battlefield. And part of me longs for escape, to return to Portland, to care but care from a few thousand miles away.   I want to watch TV and laugh at Liz Lemon and not know the faces and names of so many desperate stories.  I want a desk job in an air-conditioned room and headphones that drown everything out.  I want to be able to turn it all off and forget that God’s Kingdom is being violated.

But God has brought me here.  And even as I ask him to release me from this consistently, he responds with his heart:

Psalm 9:18

18 For the needy shall not always be forgotten,
    and the hope of the poor shall not perish forever.

Or

Psalm 10:17

17 O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
    you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear

Or

Psalm 12:5

“Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan,
     I will now arise,” says the Lord;
    “I will place him in the safety for which he longs.”

And even as I try to close my eyes and close my heart, I see the pattern.  This is where God’s heart is and he is calling me to have his heart.  There are many passionate missionaries who already have a heart beating inside of them for justice.  They roar like lions and  inspire you and I to do something.

On my side, I am weakened.  I am heart broken.  I feel more vulnerable than I ever have.  So many illusions are being stripped away. I cling to God in prayer and ask for the strength to stay this course.  I rest in His word and listen for the news of a Redeemer, of a great King that will rule in justice.  I pray that I have friends and family truly joining me in praying that “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.”

And this is honestly how Jesus is working in my heart.  He is making my heart fall to pieces and saying, “Trust me. Let me show you what I will do.”

Psalm 20:7-8

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
     but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
They collapse and fall,
    but we rise and stand upright.

As we near Easter, “He is risen indeed” echoes in my heart but this verse says, “we rise and stand.”  Jesus loves his people and his heart is that they will stand upright and become the people he always meant them to be–not exploited, not hurting, not alone–but royalty. For some reason, as much as I want to Jonah out, he is asking me to be a part of this movement in one little community in Uganda.

Please join me in praying that we will rise together.  Please pray for my strength and that my anemic little heart might be strengthened and be able to provide strength.  Please pray that AOET will see children and widows thrive both in our program and throughout our community.  And stay tuned.  Today I am in Psalm 25, but who knows where God will take me tomorrow?

 

a psalm for your sabbath

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Psalm 23

English Standard Version (ESV)

The Lord Is My Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
    He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.